15 октомври, 2008

No endings!

It's over. The addiction, the story, the magic... It is all gone. Where? Why can't I find it and get it back to me? Who did take it away? There is no answers for all these questions. But how can it just disappear? Damn it, I wand it back!
It was real, wasn't it? They were real. I saw then all through her brown chocolate eyes. I saw him. I saw his family. I saw the world she lived in without the vampires and with them. I've been with her. And after the happy ending there's nothing left. Nothing.What the hell is wrong with me? How can I say it's over? How can it possibly be over and gone? I don't want to live in a world where they are just a part of a story. I can't believe they are really just in the story and not in the reality. Yes, it is a better thing that they don't get to live in our world, because their story might not be one with happy ending, but still... The magic about them, all the good thing, all the bad thing... It's over.
Every time I try to read it again and to feel the magic... It happens. I feel it. But as soon as I stop I remember that their world would never be mine and I'll never get the chance to be like them, and that makes me be afraid of reading the book again.I don't want to be afraid. I want the story to begin again for me. It's just that... I'm afraid. Because after the happy ending, there's nothing left to feel. After the ending - all that leaves is the disappointment. Because we all want to believe that we would be heroes and heroines someday, but life doesn't work this way. We live our life the best way we can. Some people believe they are heroes. Other really are. But not in the same way, we mean it about the characters in the books. Because this other world is not real and it is invisible for most of the people. But the ones, who really felt the magic and the power of this illusion, they are the real heroes and heroines. They take the chance to go in the illusion and feel it, even when it hurts to get back to reality after that. They live in the reality, but they know about this other world. They realize that they would never get the chance to be like those characters, but still, they are not afraid to feel bad and lonely sometimes.

Reality is good. Reality can be a great place. But illusion is so much better. Even when it makes you feel bad, because it shows you what you'll never be, it's still perfect. Because the illusion is for the brave ones. The ones who are not afraid to feel so ordinary. They are not afraid to dream, to believe and to be different. Illusion is a pretty great place if you take the chance to really get in it. Looking at it that way I don't feel afraid. Even when I feel bad I realize that, without this illusion I would be someone else. Without this story I would still think magic is just for the movies. Now I know the magic is more than illusion.
The addiction to it and to my eclipse - the best thing that ever happened to me. The happy ending - there is no end as far as I keep feeling the magic about it. The illusion - this is what makes my world a better place to live in.
~Delays - No Ending

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