08 март, 2009

Lie

'Hey!' he said with his perfect smile on his face. That view always made me lose my thoughts, but I knew I had to try to keep them, because otherwise I would just stare at him not knowing what to say or do.
'A minute later and you would be late.' I said and he started laughing.
'How can I ever be late when I'm coming here?' he answered and smiled again getting closer to me with every word he spoke. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the stupid voice in my head, telling me that he loves me and when I opened them, he was standing right there in front of me.
'I didn't know you liked being here.' I said out loud and then I looked at him regretting saying that, but his smile was there again and what I said didn't seem wrong to him.
'There are a lot of things that you don't know about me.' he simply said.
'Do you want me to know those things about you?' I asked him and for the first time I was able to stay serious and not being distracted by his face and hair and smile...
'When the right time comes you'll know everything.' he answered, but that was not what I wanted to hear.
'But I wanna know you now. I wanna know what are you thinking, what do you wish for, what do you...' I was going to say a lot, but he just put his finger on my lips, telling me with that to stop.
'You'll know, I promise.' he said and I was ready to complain, but then I saw his dark chocolate eyes and I knew he meant it. I knew he would tell me everything that I wanna know.
'Do you wanna play a game?' I asked then, trying to forget all the seriousness. I wanted him to be happy here with me. Nothing else mattered.
'What game?' he asked and looked at me, suspecting that I had something else in mind and the game was just the cover of it.
'Every time you smile I'll kiss you.' I said and the thought of that made me smile. But then when I looked at him again, he was not happy with what I said.
'You know we're friends, but...' he started to say, but I stopped him this time.
'But you love her and she loves you. I know that... I just didn't want to remember it. And I was pretending that it's just a dream, being here with you, so I wanted it to be special.' I said all that and then turned around, because my stupid emotions made me cry and I didn't want to make him sad with my sadness.
'You know, I like you. Don't get me wrong, but... I can't be unfaithful.' the moment he said that realized that I knew he would never kiss me. I knew he would never leave her, because that was the thing I liked about him. He was loyal and kind and in love with her.
'I'm sorry I said that.' I started to say. 'I'm sorry I made you unhappy. I know the truth, but I just don't like it. And I'm sorry, but I can't help myself not being in love with you... And it's not like you are acting just like my friend. The way you smile and the way you talk to me is... Not like a friendly conversation, but like something more. So... I'm sorry...' I said when I looked at him again.
'Don't cry.' he whispered, when he hugged me. 'I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I want you to be happy.'
'Then why don't you wanna play this game with me?' I asked him, being stupid.
'Because that will only hurt you. And I don't want to hurt you more, than I already did.' he caressed my hair and smiled.
'Maybe you need to kiss me, to love me.' I said and we both laughed at that. No one but me could say something so stupid like that.
'Maybe I need to know you, don't you think?' he asked then. And that gave me a whole new view of the situation. He wanted to know me. And if he knew me, he would love me.
'What do you wanna know?' I asked then.
'Everything... I only don't wanna know how does it feel to lose you.' he said and I felt his hands stronger around me.If that was a lie, I didn't care. All I wanted was here and now. That was the dream I would like to be in forever. Because a dream like that is my idea of perfect.