22 март, 2009

You wanted to know me

'Why did you call me? What's going on? You said it was an emеrgency...' he asked immediately.
'Follow me...' she whispered and started to walk fast.
'Where are you taking me?' he asked again, trying not to fall behind.
'I wanna show you this really special place. No one ever had seen it before.' she smiled back at him and then kept walking.
'But... Why me? Why now? I don't understand.' he complained, trying to figure out what she meant with all this.
'You said you wanted to know me...' she answered simply.'Yeah, but...' he didn't know what to say, so he just followed her. It was not that far, it just took them a few minutes to get to this place. A big door that was the entrance of the castle was opened. It was dark in the corridor, but it was not a problem for her to find the room she was looking for.
'Close your eyes now.' she told him right before to open the pink door in front of her. Then she opened the door and purple and pink and blue rays of light touched his face.
'May I look now?' he asked, when he got in.
'Sure.' she told him. An amazing view appeared all around him. There were lots of photos of her and her friends. There were also teddy bears, sparkling stars on the walls, lots of music CDs...
'What is this place?' he asked when he looked at her.
'This is my world. Everything here means something to me. Every color is special, every photo is much more than a thousand words... This is the very special part of my past and of me myself.' she said and smiled.
'It's... beautiful.' he said looking for the right word, but none was good enough.
'What is the first thing you noticed and you liked in here?' she asked him. He couldn't miss the worried expression on her face, so he really careful looked around before to say anything.
'The lights. The blue ones especially...' he started to say.
'...Because blue is your favorite color.' she smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes.
'May I tell you a secret?' he asked, trying to make her smile.
'Yeah, if you want to.' she answered, but she did not look at him.
'My world is a lot like yours. The lights, the photos... I like to remember the moments that made me happy.' he smiled with his warm smile that could made her smile if only she would look at him now. But she didn't.
'I guess that's the reason why I like you so much, and why I wanted you to see this place.' she said.
'But... If that's what you wanted why are you so sad?' he finally asked as he got closer to her, reaching out to catch her hands.
'Because you can see how similar our worlds are, but somehow... You can't see me in here. It's like I'm just an illusion for you. Someone to talk to, when you have nothing else to do.' she said a little louder that she should have.
'I though you liked being my friend... I thought it made you happy.' he answered, not knowing what he could do, to get things back to normal.
'I do like it. But... I just wanna know, that you gonna miss me if I disappear. I wanna know that, I'm making a difference in your life, and that you would try to make me stay for as long as possible.' she looked at him and she was crying.
'Who am I to wanna hold you here with me? Who am I to decide what's right and what's wrong for you? he said, but with soft edge of anger.
'You are... the brightest color of my day, so... Of course, you can hold me.' she said.
'You don't get it. I want you to be happy. I mean, really happy. And if someone else could give you the happiness that you deserve, I would let you go right now.'
'But I don't want you to let me go. I don't wanna be anywhere else, if you are not there. I wanna wake up with you, I wanna dream about you, and I wanna hold you from dawn till dusk. And... How can you not know this? How can you not see how much do you mean to me?'
'I guess I was looking for something else...' he whispered, remembering something that made him sad.
'Well, did you miss me, while you were out there, looking for yourself?' she let his hands fall leaning back. There was jealousy in her eyes now.
'Do you want the truth or should I continue lying to you?' he answered her with the same angry tone, that she used.
'So... There was a real part? Really? Because I thought that all you made me believe in was a lie.'
'You think that all of that was a lie? You think that... I lied to you, when I said I like being with you?' he couldn't believe this.
'I don't know what to believe in anymore. I don't... I wanna believe, that someday you really gonna see me. But I've waited for so long that, I've lost hope in that. And I tried to let you go, believe me, I tried... But I couldn't erase your smile from my mind. I... I need you in my life... In a way that seems impossible. But I need to know the truth, no matter how bad and painful it is. I need to know what I am for you. Tell me!' she insisted.
'You are... A fresh air after a long day. You are the ray of light in the rainy world I live in. You are... Such a big part of me, that it hurts just to be that far...'
'Stop!' she told him, putting her hand on his lips. 'I don't wanna know all this. I don't, because the moment I believe it, you'll be gone. And I'm gonna stay here only with the memories and the scent of your perfume on my skin and...'
'Look at me.' he whispered and smiled. 'I'm not going anywhere. So... Stop crying, please. This is not the end of the world, and you don't have a reason to be sad, at least not now. You showed me your world today for the first time. And I find it amazing and actually, it is exactly the way I thought it would be. So light and colorful...'
'But... you are going to see her today, right?'
'Is that what this is about? You... Don't want me to... See her...?'
'I... When you wanna be with her, there's nothing I could say, but it's just...'
'Calm down. I'm gonna leave you alone now, before you say something you're gonna regret.' he said and tried to let her go.
'No... Stay... Just a minute... That's all I need and then you can go.' she whispered, hiding her face in his hug.
'Okay... I'm here... Just... Calm down, okay?' he held her in his arms for one long moment, until her breathing became even and she stopped crying.
'I'm sorry... For all I did and said.' she finally told him. 'I just don't know how... To be your friend... When... You smile like that and...'
'I don't think there are some rules about friendship. I think that you just give your friend everything you think he needs and hope it's enough.' he smiled.
'What if it's not?' she asked.
'Then you let your friend go and hope he would come back to you... And just wait.' he simply answered.
'But... What if waiting for him lasts forever?' she laughed darkly.
'Then he never really deserved your friendship, or he was to scared to come back and to see that you quit hoping he would come back.''Yeah... I've never thought about that... Are you gonna come back or should I quit hoping right now?'
'I didn't leave yet.' he smiled.
'But you will, so...'
'Of course you should wait for me. I'm gonna come back even if the future leads me to another world. Because no world would be perfect for me, if you are not in it.'
'Go now!' she said as she let him... 'Go and come back fast, so that I can't miss you for too long.'

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