23 ноември, 2010

I'm sick of it.

I can only make plans for tomorrow and not a day after that. Because all my plans turn into ashes and... I usually go with them. And I wanna make plans. I wanna believe that there will be more pictures like that one. I go there, act like I care and... I realise why I shouldn't even make the effort. But I do it anyway, because I wanna believe. I need to believe and it is all against me.
And it feels like I'm out in the rain, all drowned in the water and you stand there looking at me, like I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but guess what made me that way. Right, someone just like you, who couldn't care less that some stupid girl finds something in him and believes he makes her world better. And all you do is turn mine into hell. It's my fault, because I'm letting you in a way, but come on. Why does is always has to be a friend of mine? I want something to change! I'm sick of having to see you be silly and smiley around me and not because of me. And no, she has no idea of my love story, but I know me, and if things keep going this way, she'll find out. And this simply just sucks in every way I look at it.
Ask me to believe, and I'll tell you why I don't. But every morning I try to believe again, until I get home and realise that things are never gonna change. And also, there's not such thing as starting over. Because once you did something, even if it was just being in love with someone, well they never forget that and use it against you, as if it was a crime. Now tell me love is the answer and it's all we're living for. That's a lie and you know it. Love is for those who like being broken. Too bad I don't have a heart to break anymore, because I once believed in love. Now I only try to breath from dawn till dusk and make my dreams come true, but to tell the truth, all I wanna do is... well not be here with you, but... I just hoped you're still out there, even though my imagination made me see you that way.
Remind me to breath and I'll be okay. I've done this a million times before, but my eyes are still in tears and I forgot to remember to forget, that I should no longer try to turn my world upside down, because no one is worth it and I'm sick of changing myself for every idiot who steals my heart.

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