21 декември, 2010


Last night I made the windows in my room with white and blue small cute lamps. I sat in the dark, only their light making me wanna stay in the dark for like ever. I don't ever want to have to leave, because outside is scary, but here it's my heaven. My little piece of heaven is right where I am and nothing can bring it down.
Have you ever had this repeating itself dream full of memories that makes you wake up and never close your eyes again. I have been having it for a long time now and Christmas is supposed to fix that for me in a way. You know, no nightmares and only perfect close to heaven dreams.
Instead, I stay in the room with all those people. Some of them, only few I feel close. And everyone is just a stranger. And it's like "what the hell and I doing there?". But I stay anyway, put a smile on my face and nothing is wrong. And no one really knows, that all I wanna do is go back to my little piece of heaven, where the lights brighten up my night and I feel warmth in my permanently broken ice-cold heart.