11 февруари, 2011

Blue Valentine

It's the name of a movie that I founf yesterday and I watched it and it made me wonder about a lot of things. There's not a happy ending, but I liked it in a way.
I mentioned yesterday... It was a day for a lot of things. I watch the movie today and suddenly it hits me like a wave. I remember how right it was to lay next to you, having your arms around me. It almost felt like nothing can ever go wrong. And in your little game conversation... I could see it in your eyes - it wasn't just a thing you do for the fun of it. I mean, in a way it was. But I felt like he didn't want just any girl beside him, he wanted me. I've learned to play the game. I don't call, I wait, I'm being patient. I try not to make him go away with stupid words and stuff, but I start thinking and he wants to know what I am thinking. And it's not just like 'what the hell is she laughing about'. It's more like 'i wanna know you, so you can say anything'.
It's a little bit too much for me to deal with, because my mind is spinning like crazy all day and I try to pull it together and come up with a plan. But I can't because that means I'm breaking my rule. I made plans before and they all failed, so I'm going to leave it to faith this time. But with him I want to make plans. Even if I still don't know almost anything about him, but in the same time, I saw it in his eyes. There was a sparkle, for like a moment or so. And it was enough to make me believe that... It's just right.
It scares me to death to write like this, because I sound completely out of my mind, but it's deffinately his fault and he knows it. I'm not sure at all what are we doing, but I know I wanna keep doing it. Because he's my blue!

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