04 март, 2012

music loud, thought even louder

I gotta admit that I'm moving too fast. It's like driving down on the highhway. You can just go with a decent 60 km per hour. You have to hit the 120's to feel the energy, the freedom, the pure adrenalin running through efery single cell in your entire body. Have you ever felt that way?
I have a thing for guys who come with the warning of a friend. That's probably because I always think I'm right and I want to prove them wrong. You know, him and I are gonna make it. He's different. He won't hurt me like he hurt someone else. As if my friends draw a safe line for me and I go right then and there to cross it. Eventually I turn out to be right. Sometimes they are different, they did care. But it doesn't hurt any less when they have to leave, because they want to find theirselves, or are too scared to actually admit they care, or simply had some time to waste, and I was at the wrong place in the wrong time.
No, don't get me wrong. I don't have the right to complain. It takes two. One to tell lies and another - to believe them. I'm not saying they all lied to me. Some just ommited to tell me that they were not really into the whole relationship thing. And I have no idea how not saying things makes them easier. I mean, sometimes you just have to clear the air and move on. Unfortunatelly I seem to be the only one who thinks so, and I got tired of trying to talk and fight and whatever. I've done more that I ever thought I would and could. The only thing I should be sorry is not giving up earlier, but I followed my heart and I was true to my own desire, so there's nothing else left to make me regret it. It was what I wanted.
What I want now? Well, to stop moving so fast will be the first thing. I know less thinking was my priority, but I really feel like thinking about things. To be honest, not things exactly, but the reasons behind everything I do. I've had one and only that made me cross lines and do stupid and crazy things for quite a long time and I want to makes sure that that reason is no longer an actual reason. Because there's something else there, that I don't wanna ruin.

Няма коментари: