17 януари, 2013

50 shades or something

Feelings can be forgotten. Feelings that used to be running around your mind in circles all day and all night can simply disappear. Every single detail has been pushed out and into a dark place of the mind, then locked with every kind of lock and key ever made, and there are at least three walls build around. 
I thought I couldn't remember back then. It seems to be a life away... An entire eternity away. 
One book managed to break all walls, locks, chains and whatever else I used to keep that away. I'm all over the floor, out of my mind with the desire to lock them back, but then I realise how they used to mean a lot and I feel... Nostalgic for something half imaginary. 
No, it's not regret. It's like... Having a call from somebody who once was very close to you. Like all the crazy things you know you will never do, because they were too childish and stupid, suddenly become your desire once again. You want to stay up late, go out when your parents are asleep, just for the sake of those crazy times when you used to talk till 4 am in the morning. 4 am, huh...
Ironically, it is orange... Ironically, the things that never were created the present. The things that never are tend to have a bigger impact on people's lives. Or at least they do for me. If I knew you, my life would have been different, but I cannot be sure if it is for better of for worse. It is just a fact and I have no evidence to prove it right or wrong. If I hadn't gone the wrong way, and done all the wrong things, I wouldn't have ended up here and now, which can only be considered as the right way. 
I just keep making my wishes come true way later than I wanted and it's... strange and confusing... Making me wonder what would have been if it was the other way around. 
Now let's build some walls, once again and get back to just reading, without finding myself in every single word. Not because I'm not there, but because I hate building walls and I will not let a book break them every time I read. And I'm quite good at putting things in boxes and forgetting about them. So, bye for the next few years when I'm not going to wonder what might have been. I'm twenty and I have everything anyone can hope for. And the best is yet to come, my dear. We shall see.
Don't worry. This time I'm the one breaking walls and doind as I please. 
Смяна на ролите. Няма да се побърквам, ще побърквам. Sounds way better to write than to do it, but I seem to be a fan of strong words. Plus, hopefully there's no one around to read all this. 
Wow, that was a lot for someone who has lost her inspiration. То си е събрало багажа и е заминало да търси живот на Марс. Убедена съм! Мисля, че си намерих какво ме вдъхновява временно. Жалко, че ми е забранената тема за писане.