05 януари, 2014

Happy Birthday to Me!

Me feels special and awesome on this most epic day of the year when me gets older. I'd like to believe I'm also growing up, becoming wiser, learning how to live my life in a better way and be better in general. It's been one hell of a year and I don't mean it in the good sense of the expression. But well, when things are hard, we learn to get over them and hopefully learn to survive. I already know how to do so, even if I doubt myself sometimes. Hell, I doubt almost everything I hear.
Yet, I feel awesome, because only when you go through hell and back, you know how much more you can do and to achieve even if it's hard and everything seems to be against you. The fire within me is burning, ready to burst out, the flames gently tickling me from the inside and making me smile for no obvious reason. But I know better, I have a lot to do this year and a lot to give. I have books to write and hopefully I will have the time to do so. I was born to do this after all. If anything defies me, that is my writing. It sets my limits, it sets me free, it speaks for me, it is silent, it takes me away, breaks me to pieces, puts me back together, breathes for me and drowns me within the depth of its many words, fighting for a chance to get out on the white paper.
I am fire and my writing is what controls me, soothes me, drives me insane to the point where I can no longer tell what is real and what is not. Writing will be the death of me and I cannot for the life of me imagine a death more sweet than that. Without my overdose of insanity and delusion I am not myself.
So yeah, it was supposed to be a post about me and it ended up a post about my writing and my inspiration... Which only proves that me and my writing - we cannot exist separately. And life would have been quite boring without all the voices in my head. Insanity may as well be the best thing that has ever happened to me and Teddy would understand it.

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