26 януари, 2014

peace and quiet

I finally got to sleep, to stay up late by choice, to drink my cappuccino in peace with no people around to piss me off. Being away from people for me is a peaceful time, where I get to steal time for myself and to my job, as well as the things I love doing, Reading and writing are not a priority for the time being, but as soon as my exams are over I plan to focus all my time on them. Unfortunately my exams may not even happen, thanks to a few people who apparently think occupying SU will make the government resign. Well, good luck with that, but can you get your sorry behinds out of my Hogwarts and let me continue my education?! I get that people are trying to make things better but my parents work so that I can be here and take my exams, so unless those idiots plan on doing that for me, they better find some other building to occupy.
And then everyone wonders why I hate people.
I've done so much studying in the last two weeks and yet there is still more waiting. My heaven of peace and quiet will be ruined by my boyfriend coming back, which is supposed to be a good thing because I need someone to keep my bed warm and bring me food. Okay, okay, if I stay alone for a few more days I will go crazy, but it feels so good to be by yourself, especially when you have no ghosts hunting you, no annoying thoughts, no words that you cannot say. Looking back, I can't exactly tell how and why I got here, but I can't imagine ever being some place else and doing something other than feeling awesome and enjoying the company of my own thoughts. I used to hate that time, because I had too many ghosts hunting me at all times. I used to call people and ask them to tell me all they did the week before just so I can escape my own thoughts. I am proud of me and my own Christmas gift. I am free of my own past. It is something I never thoughts would happen. Maybe I should have more faith in my own defence mechanisms.
Looking forward to the future without something pulling you back every damn time is like a whole new world with fresh air which enters my lungs and I no longer have trouble breathing. So I take a deep breath out of fear that it will turn out to be just a dream and yet here I am. I have no desire to go back, no need to write in codes and hide my thoughts from myself. I am 21 and the world is all mine. I have all the time in the world to write and be happy. Whenever I make such a statement something bad happens, but I am good at dealing with problems. I survived things I never thought I would. Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me who I am.

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