08 януари, 2014

thoughts at random

It doesn't hurt when I breathe the way it used to back when ghosts hunted me from the places I loved going to, including here. I have managed to get so indifferent towards my ghosts that the idea that it ever was a reason for me to not be able to breathe seems impossible. Yes, I know what it felt like but being twenty-one helps me see how I believed everything was now or never and it was all a blur of emotion, passion, rebellion if you'd like. One of the hard ways of finding myself. A dump in the road. A ghost. Well, ghosts help you remember where you came from and where it all began. All the mistakes, all the choices are simply lessons for me to learn. But here I keep talking about me and I never really what it was when I had to deal with someone else having ghosts of their own. Hell, that almost made me run once. But I stayed and fought and stood my ground. And it was his words about letting go of people who let go of us that made me erase the ghosts of my cellphone. Ghosts don't need to be bothered. They come as they please to remind you a lesson and disappear. At least mine do so every time I doubt anything.
You are something else entirely.
I don't mean it as a bad thing, by no means. I am simply once again reminded of how much of a mystery you still are to me. Probably the lack of sleep has something to do with my weird thoughts and the fear of it all slipping through my fingers. I can't blame anyone for having ghosts just like I have. But that doesn't mean I like it, because I know how mine love to mess with my head. And I don't need to see them every once in a while just to see that things are okay. I truly don't. My ideas of escape now all seem stupid and childish. I don't run. I stay and fight. It might be what makes me weak but it makes me strong with every day that passes and I'm still here fighting.
And all this thanks to my mother who showed me this awesome movie about a bunny who ran away and thought it would solve all his problems. And it turned out that problems follow you no matter where you are. All you have to do is stay and deal with them and them laugh it all out with a friend.

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