21 февруари, 2014

love you, mom

There is nothing like a three-hour conversation with your mom to make your lonely evening fun.
Yes, my mother is great and despite all the fights and differences we've had, I love her with all my heart and I love talking to her about all the things in our lives. I think it is only when you are away from someone that you fully appreciate how big a part they are of your life. Otherwise, you simply take them for granted and you waste your time trying to run away from them. That's what I did. And maybe the one thing I regret is not taking the time to enjoy our conversations then and actually listen. But, I was called a rebel today and I also love that part of me. There are too many parts of me, I guess. One that misses people, one that regrets things, other that says let's be crazy again, other that wants to be left alone and I guess many more that I have yet to find out.
But Tita and I love realising how our parents had lives before us and how awesome and great they were. Because it takes a lot of strength to go through life, as far as I know. And it is all just ahead of me. All the choices I will have to make, all the mistakes that will inevitably be part of my life, all the hard times. I've had a lot of heroes growing up. And just now I realise that the most important of them truly is my mother, because I am who I am because of her. I know that it is what people say, but in my case it is all true.
I may have been damaged and most of the times I probably have myself to thank for that for trusting people who did not deserve it, but I survived. I may have issues and freak out, but that means I care. You can't fully appreciate anything until you've been hurt and know what pain is. And I am grateful for all the bad things I had to go through, because they got me here and made me realise how much strength I have in me, how valuable such three-hour conversations are and how much people can love you and truly care about you. No one can possibly love more than her. And I regret hurting her the way I did, but I guess I can only try to make up for it and make her proud which is all I really want to do.

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