17 март, 2014

hanging on by a thread

I have too much caffeine in my system, my breath comes in clouds of smoke and the lack of sleep is my new best friend. My mind is way too active, my thoughts are way too loud, flashbacks hunt me just when I thought I was done with all the ghosts....
I have been experiencing the wildness of a student's life by going out, partying hard and ignoring all my responsibilities. I needed to let loose and feel free...
Those are my drafts from the two weeks I haven't been around. I've walked proudly in the circles of hell again, because my life sort of always leads me there every now and then. Preparing for my afterlife I guess. Well, I was lost, I was damaged, broken. Hell, I still am. But I have lovely friends who managed to fix me up to my normal state of craziness that I have grown to love. Now my biggest problem is dealing with Russian and catching up with all my responsibilities, because for two week my life was - getting up, drinking coffee, planning a party for the night, going to party with friends, and recovering the next day and then party again. It suits me just fine, but well, responsibilities are again trying to ruin my social life. 
And the book I am reading is so freaking awesome and creepy at the same time that my nightmares seem perfectly normal and I love them, because that way I experience what is happening in the book myself. Yeah, I'm crazy like that. I mean "The Mara Dyer" series. I went through the first in like three days and the second is half over and I want and need more. Just when I think that no book can impress me more than the one I previously read and loved, there comes another one. I am inspired and thanks to Teddy's name day which is a whole other story and a literature class we had, I have new ideas about an old thing and I am planning on writing on it as soon as I can. 
And Teddy's name day was quite interesting, considering all the tequila, the strawberry, my number on a napkin and the barman with the tattoo on his arm that turned out to be the manager of the club. I needed a night like that to feel special after my tour in hell. 
Monday is not treating me well, so I guess I am going to stay home today, drink coffee and catch up on all the stuff I wasn't paying attention to in class the last few weeks. 
Things are getting back to normal, I guess and I really hope this was the last visit to hell for the year because I seriously can't handle any more drama. 
On the bright side, my new group is awesome! Talking about books, hating people and drinking coffee during a boring lecture is what pictured university to be and it is quite inspiring in its own way. I am still fighting sleep deprivation but I suppose Mara is responsible for that. I say I am going to read just a few chapters and I go to sleep four hours later when it's close to 4 am. Then again, it has always been my special crazy time and reading that book after midnight is exactly what turns my world upside-down. 
Only writers can appreciate all the shit that are happening in their life and remember every damn thing, trying to fully experience it, in order to write it down and heal themselves in the process. 

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