21 април, 2014

we fear nothing

Give me the right soundtrack and I can rule the world. Not that I want to anyway.
I am in a good writing mood which hasn't been the case in longer that I can remember. It's just that my characters love waking me up with new ideas and on days like that I just can't resist the urge to get lost in the world of my own imagination. The right music is on and I can barely follow my own thoughts and all I can think of is how much I missed that feeling.
I am like an addict who's been kept in a cell for months and is now given the drug back. I'll be on the road again tomorrow and back to the regular lectures and homework in a few days and all I want to do is be here and write.
There's thing about me leaving some place. I love to leave everything back where it was, as if I've never been there. I guess it's easier most of the time to pretend things didn't happen and nothing changed. Well, it's my way of fixing things in a way. Of not leaving anything behind, of disappearing in a way.
I know I'm not allowed to go there and say stuff like that, but he'd take anywhere with him. Yes, he would. He did, he keeps doing so. I was never the problem, he was and it sort of gets me back to wanting to fix things and mostly people. Not that I would, I've had my fair share of hurting myself on the broken pieces of him. But my point is, my presence was never an issue back then. Rather my constant absence was. All the irony.
It wasn't really my home anyway. It never felt like home the way it did with other places. I never belonged here. The question is where do I belong? Well, I guess I'm still trying to figure that out since everything keeps turning into a mess the second I look away. Let the fun begin!

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