28 юни, 2014

why do i feel lost when I'm finally finding myself

I can barely keep my eyes open, my thoughts are all over the place, because I don't really have the time to think everything through, but I keep doing this every day for more than a week now. My wishes come true without any warning and I'm happy, because I've been talking about the need to be a working girl for a long time and it's finally happening, but the timing is all wrong. Because I have exams, because my boyfriend thinks his job is way more important than everything and because I have to be able to be a few things at once in a really short time. I can do it, of course. I was born to do this, because I'm a capricorn, but that does not in any way mean that I don't desire the peece and quiet I used to have.
I have Asha to purr in my ear and keep me calm, at least. I've always know that I must learn to be on my own and not rely on anyone. Most days I'm even good at it, but after all the bad days I've had for his need of support and believing in him, the least he could do is not be so selfish. I never realised that if I have the world, the way I do now, I would find his presence to be a burden, not a reward. I keep being awesome and understanding when I don't have to be and I get nothing even close to that in return. Normally I wouldn't even care, except I must be learning that you can't keep giving yourself to others because you will eventually be left with nothing.
Yes, I am in a really great mood. It's been one hell of a week and I have a few more of those to come, so I will be avoiding this site for obvious reasons, but it's just too much. And I thought my post about my new job would be a happy one. Because I am happy. It's nice and interesting and I love it. But everything else breaks my spirit, as usual. If one thing is great, everything else falls apart.

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