12 юли, 2014

everything is wrong everytime

Get me drunk and watch my reality fall to pieces. Because then I will be painfully honest and will admit how I've been pretending to be okay just for the sake of maybe believing myself and being better eventually. Truth is, this will never be okay, no matter how many explanations you give, because it was a knife in my back the first time and it will keep being that from that point on. 
Okay, so I'm on four hours of sleep and I miss my fifth usual one but at least there were no nightmares that I remember. I made it! After five more hours I will be going to Teddy and there will be the beginning of a weekend to remember, I hope. And I will finally be away, which is all I want. Hopefully I didn't forget anything from the packing last night. And I just love how Asha listens to my ranting and then comes to purr and push her head into my arm so I can cuddle her. Love is having a cat, when that cat is in a cuddly mood. When she isn't she can be a real pain in the ass, but since she's got my temper, I guess I am okay with her biting me, as long as she comes to comfort me when I need it. 
I need a sign. Any sign that things will get better and they won't get that worse again. I need to be happy. Is it all that much to ask for?

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