21 юли, 2014

worth savin me

I've had my coffee with some more reading about Fia and it's time for writing again, because then I will be on my way home and I am planning to have some rest and not think about things. 
The thing is, you don't even see what you've done to me so far. You blame those before for my lack of sanity and insecurity. Back then I never had nightmares like last night and every night before since such a long time ago that I don't even remember.
Back then it was all darkness with no dreams and I hated it, but now I want it back. I want to still believe people when they tell me thay care. I want to not be afraid that everything I do will be wrong. But that is my problem, not yours. Even if you are the reason why I am that way. I never said i'm easy to be around but I am doing my best and when it's never enough there's nothing I can do but die trying... Or walk away. What is sad is that I will be making you better. You will appreciate things more in the future if you lose me. And I will be still as scared with too much damage to be fixed. 
Seriously, can I have my darkness back?! 
Now I don't even want to talk and you never want to listen anyway. I knew that. I knew it will be that way but you promised. And yes, promises are meant to be broken. You even believe them when you say them, which makes things even more rediculous. You believe yourself when you say that you care. And then you say you have more important things to care and worry about than me. Yes, it makes all the sense in the world. Have your job and your friends and when they have girlfriends and no time for you do not call me. Because I have friends too and I make time for you. So we are back to the excuses. 
Okay, too much. I am leaving it all here with a pretty picture to take off the edge. But was my seeing you a sign or you not seeing me another? Yeah, I am always back to my happy thought because what else do I have to keep me going?!

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