13 август, 2014

(barely) breathin'

I am my own hero, I am slowly putting my pieces together and yet it all keeps crushing over me the second I see the light again. Because I am never good enough and what I do is never enough and I wish people would live their lives and let me leave mine in peace and away from them. Because it is taking every bit of strength for me to keep waking up and doing what I am supposed to be and I am getting used to this and liking it. And just when I am finally smiling for me and appreciating everything else I have, another someone decides to punch me in the stomach and make me gasp for air. Yes, mom, family is important. But did you ever consider that my world fell apart while you were yet again picking fights with me? Do you know that I refused to come home because I knew he would be easier to be around as a friend than you as a mother? Because he is - he of all people who have betrayed and hurt me is holding me together for the short while we will still be living together while you are breaking me to pieces. He is the one telling me it's going to be fine while you are judging me and saying you know me. No, you don't. Because if you did, you'd know how hard it has been for me to keep it together and you'd shut the hell up, leaving me to mend the way only I can. 
And they all come first - the people that were holding me while my world was collapsing all over me. I will do this, and I will do it my way. And I will once and for all make you shut up and stop telling me what to do, because I know better than to listen to you and you should know that telling me what to do will only make me do the oposite. Well, so far for you knowing me. And I stayed for me, not for him. I stayed, because as painful as things are, he gets me and you don't. You can never know who I am, because you will never accept me, but I have nothing to prove to you anymore. I am who I am and it is inspite of you. And it's not my fault you don't know your own daughter.  

Няма коментари: