15 октомври, 2014

it's my story, you're just one part of so many others

I've always wanted a life that burns a bit too bright. I never consider the fact that it will burn me as well. But writing never comes from happiness. When I'm happy I visit this place like once a month. Not that I always write when I'm not happy, but some things take time to become words. But that is why I enjoy the torture and desire some more. I go above and beyond. When things are hard I make them even harder. I try over and over again. I need to learn the hard way. I need it to hurt so bad that I can barely breathe, let alone move. I need the air to not be enough, I need to drown in my sleep. Because that is how I learn to survive and that is how my stories are real. I am real. 
Even if it was because of you, it was about me and what I can do and what I can handle. And yes, my efforts are sometimes pointless and wasted away, but they were still my efforts and the fact that I can do so much with so little means that I can't do anything, I can do everything!
And yes, it is all very very sad sometimes. It makes me want to stay in bad for the rest of my life and never ever go out. But then the day is over and what hurts and breaks me turns into yet another story that fills my emptiness. You know what, go ahead. Blame me some more, hurt me, break me. It will all be for my benefit when I write the best book in the world. And not because of you, but because I will have managed to turn all the bad things that you've done to me into something as awesome and perfect as words on paper. 

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