21 ноември, 2014

case (not) closed

I haven't written two posts in a row for so long, but I kind of feel like it tonight. I was supposed to be asleep by now. I am not. My own bad habit turned into a nightmare when I remember how good it felt to be inhaling the smoke from someone else's lips. My mind keeps playing games with me is all. A lot of things need to change for you but you need to have the courage to actually change them. I've heard all the speeches before. I know you mean it all, but you love changing your mind. The more I think about it using my brain and not my heart, the more I realise it's pointless and I should not be standing here like the world's biggest idiot waiting for you to realise that you don't simply need someone, but that you need me. And not need, like you will survive without me, but need like the world won't matter if I'm not there. The sane part of me is hoping it's just a period and nothing happens. The insanity having your name, however, is begging me to do something stupid every now and then. The sleep issue is not helping either. Now is the time for me to drown in my sleep and I'm back a few months where I started. Then I can be like Veronica and say: "Hello again, square one!" Well, I'm already there, it seems. 

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