27 декември, 2014

everybody wants to rule the world

I've had a fun morning again with not so random thoughts and conversations running in my mind like crazy. I really need to solve this once and for all, but you're not letting me. You say one thing and you do another. You say you want me but then you have things to figure out, so we are friends. But I can't just be your friend and you don't want me to be just that, because you don't want me seeing other people. But you don't feel it right for me. It's like I'm everything you want in a girl, but you don't feel it. It's like I've failed and I don't even know how. But then you look at me like I'm the only girl in the world for you anf you say that falling for me would be the easy thing and figuring out the rest would be hard. You even dealt with your ghost, but that doesn't seem to be helping out situation. You want us to try again, but feel like it will be a mistake. You don't want anything serious, because you don't want to have feelings for someone here when you're going there, as if you won't come back three months later. Then again you would give me a relationship just so you can be around, because you love having me there. I know, okay? I can't expect you to give me answers, when you don't know what you're doing. You want it to feel right but since it didn't up until this point, then will it ever feel right. I get that. But it's not like you don't love me or so you said. 
You make me a mess is all. And it feels like the only thing worse than being together is not being together because we are soulmates in many ways - we get each other on a higher level. Sometimes I don't even have to say things because you know them and I can say what's wrong with you without you even having to explain. But soulmates aren't always meant to be. And it's all a big mess which we need to figure out eventually, but right now the distance is the reason why we can't sit and talk for a whole night about all of it. 
This post is simply my thoughts from waking up to actually realising I'm awake and thinking about things like that. Unresolved issues rule my world

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