13 януари, 2015

fingerprints

It's finny how these realizations hit me over old things when I have to sleep, because I have an exam tomorrow. But I can be your everything. I can be a wife, I can be a lover, a friend, someone you care about, someone you hate. I've been your everything. You loved me, you hated me, you needed me. Hell, you still do. The thing is there are so many people in our lives. Some we love, some we adore, some we hate. I guess with you so far we've both been everything to each other. Which is why I understand you perfectly. And that's how I know how truly lost you are. But it's okay. Only when you lose yourself, you can actually find what you're really looking for. And when we need something we usually find it right back where we left it and forgot about it. 
I guess I could really use the inspiration but there are exams coming up. I feel like drowning in some epic story, or even writing one. It's about time and I feel ready. I honestly believe the hell I lived through around Christmas actually gave me the fresh start I truly needed. It's just so good not to be worried all the time, or sad and lost. Breathing is easy and everything is just so peaceful. Or maybe I am. I have no idea how it's going to be when he leaves, but it's the story of my life, you know - people coming and going as they please. Me? I'm always here. I'm the one that stays and picks up the pieces. I'm the one that writes about the people that come and go. They are the bright stars of my existence, but they never realize that they also give me fire which makes me who I am. I'll explain it better some other time.
It's not that I'm in love with you. It's not that I even love you as much as I used to. It's not the epic story, it's not the great memories. You are just the person that understands me. You don't like it sometimes, but you get it. And you challenge me, you listen to me, you're here now. You may not be tomorrow. You're not like me when it comes to that. But... You'll somehow always be the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I can't for the life of me regret going through heaven or hell with you. Just be my freaking person, okay? I'm okay with you going to see the world and live the dream but only if you come back for me. And I know that's what you fear. That falling for me will stand on the way of your dreams, but you'll soon realize that I'm the one who wants all the best for you and will help you get it no matter what.
I love how I start writing about one thing and end up telling myself what I already know or what I've told you already. Well, it's the song and you saying that I'll always be the best thing that happened to you. 

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