28 януари, 2015

forever and a day

Memories are worth all the sleepless nights it takes to make them.

I keep forgetting to forget. And I remember every single moment. It's imprinted in my memory like your fingerprints are all over my skin and the touch of your lips is tattooed on mine. Nothing can ever feel like home the way it does with you. Yes, home is a feeling for me. One of such comfort that I can cry and laugh at the same time and it's all okay. 
Sometimes I think this isn't enough. Dark thoughts keep torturing me every now and then that there should be something more to us. But after all the weekend afternoons and nights when it's not even the weekend yet, I feel like this is all I want for now. I am happy about it and I might as well enjoy it. I spent last year fighting and worrying about the future and it only led to a complete disaster. I am enjoying the time that I have now and whatever happens, I'll figure it out as I go. 
I guess I also need to stop imagining that only bad things happen to me. I have proof of too many good things happening as well. I choose to see you as a good thing too. When things were good, I was the happiest girl in the world and when they were bad I learned how strong I can be. 
And yes, I'm basically saying the same thing over and over but I am collecting happy thoughts instead of dark ones. This place can't all be about my dark moments. I remember them very well even without a reminder. I want to remember the happy ones this year. How he makes me laugh until I can't breathe and the smile he has on his face when he does it. How he dresses up even though he is only coming to my room to cuddle in bed and watch movies. How he keeps his hand as if there is snacks there only so I can try to take some and touch him. How he waits for me to focus my attention on the screen so he can cuddle me and stalk me in peace. How he leans in to kiss my lips but decides to first kiss my forehead. How he knows very well what's going to happen next in the movie because he's seen it but won't tell me a thing so as not to ruin it for me. I'm the first person he calls after something interesting happens to him. I am the first person he calls on a bad day or on a good day, or when nothing is happening and he just wants to hear my voice and how my day has been. 
I'd do it all over again, you know. Because what I love is us and the way we get each other in a way that no one will ever get us. 

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