27 януари, 2015

better than drugs

You're my Saturday night and Sunday morning. I do want to rip your clothes off quite often but I'd also really love watching something and falling asleep in each other's arms every now and then.
I'm an addict. I've always been. Only people have drugs and I have people to get addicted to. I used to be loud and wild when I was in love before. I am quiet now. I'm not saying things, I'm not in the mood for promises of eternity and all the other romantic stuff. I'm accepting the idea that "the one" is an idea that is very different for everyone and it takes time to actually get a clear view of it. Usually it's that person is the one you can never be with. Only the really lucky ones realize that what they have is special. Mostly people take other people for granted and dream about some other people. 
I'm undefined for him. And maybe for myself as well. I never wanted to be the weaker link in a relationship. But I'm an addict, so there goes that. I wanted success and career and then eventually maybe a husband, so I can have kids with someone equally successful. Then life happened and it turned out that I'm awesome at being in love. I go all in and it's supposed to be a good thing but also very dangerous. Because well, chances fail and stuff.
I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to define myself and what to do with my life. I wanted to have a quiet summer home, but I'm not quiet. I need noise and adventure. I thing it's called a distraction but it usually helps get me to where I want to be. There was that other thing but it's too far away and I'm not that brave. At least not yet, considering how crazy things have been around me lately. 
My point is, I'm slowly recovering from the addiction and learning to put myself first. So you being around is purely a selfish thing. I like having you around. But I don't need it like it will save my life. I will be okay even if I'm not the one. I will be okay because somehow I always am. Now I just need to make a plan like you had a plan and follow it. 

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