26 февруари, 2015

whiskey in a teacup

He's kissing my hand. He calls to play me a song on the piano or to sing me a song. And he will be gone for four months in fifteen days. I'm a big girl now. Well, yeah. I look small but that means nothing. It's really hard to place definitions when things are that messy. Yes, I know what you fear quite well by now. And I will keep telling you for as long as you need that if you choose to stay there and it's the best thing for you, I will be the first person to support you. Hell, if it's not the best thing for you I will still do that. There are no promises here. They are usually meant to be broken anyway. It may not be hard but you have your thing to do and I sure have mine. I think this is the reason I loved us so much before and why I love us so much more now. Everything else was just the fear of losing something important. But you can lose it anyway. Things happen. I'm not saying that it will be easy with you gone. It will suck not having to hear your voice when you're having a break at work or calling to tell me good night. It will suck not being able to watch TV shows and movies with you, cuddling and falling asleep in your arms. It will be the hardest thing yet...
But sometimes knowing someone is happy makes you happy too. You inspire me, you know. You amaze me with the way you can play a song for two hours and learn it and even add your own style to it. You go after the things you want and you make them work out for you one way or the other. I want that! I want to be brave as you are. I will be because I have you in my life. And I do believe you make me better in more ways than we both realize. I've said it before I think but this is it for me, you are it for me. There may be many other people out there that I can connect with but it will never be as strong as my connection to you is. Because we can say two words to each other and know what the other is thinking or feeling. Because we sometimes say even more without even saying a word.

I don't need a lot to be happy. Just you to hold. 

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