05 март, 2015

completely

I had almost forgotten how undecided and undefined we are. Well, we kind of are defined in a way but we don't talk about it. It will ruin everything. You know, I try to ignore the moments when you hug me and tell me you're going to miss me but on the inside I kind of feel like crying already. Because I know how much I will miss you as well. 
Remember that star you took down for me. I've placed it over my bed so when I sleep it's always shining over me. It makes me feel safe in a way. Like you may not be here but there is something from to left to keep all the bad things away. 
I can't believe I only have a week left. I keep thinking that I will forget to tell you something or that we won't have time for some epic plan . That's not true. These four months will pass so fast. At least I hope so. And I made sure I have plenty to do, so I don't really feel them passing, dragging slowly and painfully. 
On the optimistic point of view you will reward me with lots of pictures and hopefully will share good memories. Sure, there will be bad days for both of us but we always have each other. And it won't be boring for you, darling. You have that same fire within you that I do and you won't sit still for a second, I'm sure of it. That's one of the many reasons why I love you.
Yes, I know. I've turned this place into a love diary. But writing all the bad stuff has done me no good. I've been so stuck on all the dark memories that I drove myself crazy thinking about them. This year is new. I'm new. Everything is a bit more colorful, a bit changed. Might be for the better, or the worst, but I'm collecting all my happy memories because that's what I want to remember after all. Not the circle in hell but what came after it. Not the tears, but the smiles. The moments with loved ones, rather than those of loneliness. It took me this long to find those limits I once talked about. It took so much for me to hit the breaks, sit and enjoy the view. 
I'm done being reckless with myself or with anyone else. I've always been responsible and it suits me just fine. So I guess I finally figured out what I want to be - better. Just like you. 

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