11 юни, 2015

happy something

Now I now the difference between missing people. Because there is a difference, you know. Once upon a time I was going crazy, writing it all down, so I don't forget a single detail of the very few memories I've had with him. It was hard to listen to those songs, hard to read my own words and even hard to write them, which is why I wrote in such a chaotic saying-things-while-not-saying-them way. Now I breathe. It was hard the first few weeks but it got better. I somehow worked around all the time we used to spend together and I got comfortable with this distance thing. I miss you, yes. But it's not drowning me. It's not torturing me and I don't need caffeine and nicotine to fill the holes. Lesson learned - just because it's not killing you, doesn't mean it's not real. Because it is and I see it every time you are somewhere and you text me just to tell me how awesome it is and you can't wait to get home and tell me all about it. 

That awesome moment when you are so happy with reality that you don't want it to change, because it usually changes for the worst. And then it's adjustment period again. All the deadlines, quizzes and exams this week are ruining my good mood. Plus I'm sick, which makes me hate everyone even more for making me do things I don't have the desire and inspiration to even consider doing. Yes, it's the end of the semester and they usually make the last week the worst. Good thing is I'm going home to my cat and my mom and I'm going to have all the time in the world to prepare for the other upcoming exams and to also be as lazy as I want. And in a little more than a month things will start to change, so I need all the peace and quiet I can get before I have to deal with ghosts and other such creatures. Well, what's new, I guess. 
Here's to me being awesome and fighting my insanity every single day. If I can do that, some ghosts will not be such a big problem. Hopefully. Optimism is really not my friend. Oh well, thanks to my insanity I don't really have that much friends. Making jokes with myself is always a fun way to end a post. My life is like The Hunger Games: May the odds be ever in your favor! And they never are. 

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