27 юли, 2015

everybody is looking for something

Не на себе си, а на всички останали трябва да поставя граници, за да спрат да ме дърпат в различни посоки. Крайно време е да спра да се оставям на течението и после да протестирам защо ми се е случило това и онова, все едно нямам абсолютно никакъв контрол върху живота си. Имам! Искам света, какъвто си беше! Какъвто го исках преди!
Намирам си огъня, да. It feels good. Благодаря ти, съзнание мое за сънищата. Все едно имах нужда от подобни идеи. То си иска едно, аз в реалността друго. Или може би то ми подсказва какво да искам. The mind is an interesting, D-r Grey. Other than that my hair is redish, pinkish... Well, it's different. Figured the inner change needs to be marked by an outer one as well in case I lose my inner motivation and need a reminder. 
I so love long walks with old friends who just get you without you having to explain yourself. Maybe that's why I don't get you'd give me up since I do the same for you. Well, with those dreams and ideas in my head soon I won't mind all that, I hope. 
I've had one of the best days in a long time and I don't have you to thank for. I have someone else. Well, a couple of people actually. I thought I was exactly where I was last year but I'm not. Not entirely. I want it all still and I want it with you but I can see it happening even if you're not here to hold my hand. I am reliving another year and another time when I wanted to fight when I was with him and then I decided I don't want to anymore. It's the distance that allows me to play with all my ideas. And the dreams that (dammit) felt a bit too real. Maybe also the conversations that are countless and your constant presence in my life. And how we had a thing for one another at different times. Mostly the way you are almost never serious so much that you surprise me even after knowing you for so long. 
Or I'm being an idiot yet again for even thinking about it and having such faith in people. After all, my track record isn't really good so far. Put I keep hoping that will change. Or I'll start buying cats. 
Fine, I really want us to work but not the way we do now. I want the romance, the butterflies, the endless conversations, the irresistable urge to kiss... Which is what for some reason I see in him. Well, we see what we want to see. But this was still an epic day and even more epic night!

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