15 юли, 2015

heart from hell

The highlight of my existence is going through stuff and wondering what went wrong. I can't help it. I am a person in the constant need to have control and to know everything, possibly even things that will happen in the future (oh, i wish). And my utmost favorite is going back to the past and looking for pieces of myself. Because I am also the kind of person that leaves pieces here and there whenever someone passes by randomly. I always care a bit too much, I always try over and over and give chances. I wish someone would give me some too but that would change the pattern I have going here. Anyway, my inspiration and need to share thoughts is still not over.
I think out fifth in a row balcony party keeps me positive with all the music, the shared thoughts, the hysterical laughs. Why can't it all be just as easy and simple as that?
But I have a plan. (duh, yes. me and my plans) I will put every effort into getting better and fighting. I'm still not sure how that's going to work but believing it is supposed to be the first step. Reading, writing, taking pictures and listening to music sure helps a lot. And the red nail polish as well. 
I feel like me again. I can't seem to stop writing and thinking. I should start making a list of all the things I want to do when I do get better or at least learn to deal with the whole panic thing. Hopefully some day going more than a few feet away from home won't feel like I'm taking an exam in linguistics. I am really looking forward to that day when I will dye my hair red and join a rock band. Oh, I wish! Though my hair will not like that because I've been torturing it for a very long time but that's the least of my problems. 
I finally realize what happened! My insanity and I had the perfect relationship but panic saw that and decided to take away from my sweet insanity because I am that awesome (wow) and that weird. Well, that's my reality now, so I might as well enjoy it. Not that it won't last for at least a couple of years with my luck but still. I wanted craziness. I should stop making wishes so carelessly.

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