22 август, 2015

build the cities

I said I won't be writing anymore about it but I need to let it out and be done with it. I was the one who did all those things for someone who couldn't care less to even admit that he never really cared and just used me as some sick replacement for what he couldn't have at the moment. Now I'm the one who can blow up both their lives but I won't. Let them make their own hell and live in it. 
I know in time none of this will matter. But it hurts sometimes to look at a picture and see the ghost of someone else who should have been in your place. It's like it was someone else's life, all of it. Like it happened to someone else and it's not my life and my memories. It feels like I'm watching from a distance and I was never really there. 
Well, that happened. I'm not on the edge anymore. I'm not drowning, I'm not fighting. I'm finding my way and it feels good. Who knew people were really just a Hi away. I sure as hell didn't. Some bridges I burn, some I take care of. And I burn the bridges to build the cities. Because you are more than just a great taste in music and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes sometimes, even without my newly acknowledged feelings for you, I've always considered you to be damaged but a survivor. I like survivors, they may fear things but they hardly ever show it and beneath the tough mask to take off, they are even more amazing to be around. If they let you, that is. 
I miss how you'd call me in the middle of the night for a smoke and we'd go out in the cold and sit there for like two hours talking. I want more of that. And more of you. I know I shouldn't but I've been trying to hold myself back for too long. I want it all and I want it now, you know. And I'm not going to change my mind, like someone else or simply find something better to do. I've been thinking about this for way too long and trying to hide or deny it. 
My summer break is almost over. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom before the exams and the real test for my new awesome and unbreakable self. It's both exciting and scary at the same time but I've been through worse, I guess. Plus, I got plans with friends and the fun awaits.

Няма коментари: