31 януари, 2016

hurricane

I'd very much like to kiss you every damn time someone pisses you off. Especially while you're driving. I'd kiss you every time and at some point you'll want to get pissed so I'd kiss you. I'd make you tea when your throat hurts and massage you whenever you want me to. I'd watch shitty movies, eat pizza or watch you play with your programs and gadgets all day long. I'd gladly drown in the blue of your eyes and never ask for more but to just be close for real. Not like we are now, but like... Yeah, that's my pathetic way of saying "please, fall for me, because I'm falling for you".
That was a while ago. It felt like something was ending the other day and I can't get rid of the feeling. I feel like the door, or window, or whatever it is, might be closing, so I'm desperately trying to open some new ones for the sake of not staring out the one I want to keep open for as long as possible. 
I'm a bit scared and you seem different. Or I'm overthinking it. On top of that one of my nightmares came to life a week ago and scared the hell out of me so I'm slowly recovering from it. I survived, which was a surprise and I'm not back to my old dark place. It's been a hell of a week and the weekend was too short but worth it. 
I could use some writing time if I only could focus enough to do some writing that is worth reading afterwards. January always goes way too fast for me and February is not a favorite. Let's hope that changes this year. Wishful thinking never works for my pessimistic soul but a girl can hope. And right about now that's all I have in more than one ways. 
The funny thing is I'm hoping he chooses me while still wondering why anyone would. I'm awesome because I survived and I keep doing so, but in the same time I'm fifty shades fucked up and I have no idea how anyone can be around for more than a few hours. Yeah, I know all that. Choose me anyway, you know. 

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