11 март, 2016

imperfect

Well, Google decided to slap me in the face after last night's trip down insanity lane. Turns out sleep deprivation and coffee are no longer my friends. I knew that but I thought I was sane enough to be able to handle them. I am not. Which is why I turned this horrible busy Thursday into a day off. Plus I'm getting sick again and my responsibilities cannot be avoided for more than a day.
He keeps doing those tiny little things that now fill my heart with joy and will be killing me when I turn into a full-time idiot and finally tell him how I really feel if he hasn't seen it written all over my face already. The flower, the phone number, the dates that are not real dates, the perfume, the cute little moment of joking around and hugging. It would be nice for someone to finally love me back. And when I say someone, I mean him but he doesn't get to know that... Not yet anyway. 
So yeah, I set up my Google calendar to send me an e-mail and remind me of an old anniversary as if I won't remember. It's funny how my anxiety kicked in right before it. I don't like March. I hope it moves as quickly as it came. And it's been five months of this. I wonder how much more it can go on without a change and will I be the one to change it. The stupid thing is I can see clearly how perfect he is for me and how imperfect I am for him. Which is why I totally get why he's not head over heels into me. But I still want him to be. Now it's time to be a hero yet again and survive the next two weeks without going crazy. 

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