16 май, 2016

only makes me love you more

Hell is the distance I feel between us when you're holding me. Because there is no us to begin with.
Now the whole world is going to start posting pictures of the rainbow. My world already did. It makes me happy that we looked at the rainbow at the same time. Sleep deprivation has something to do with that.
It ended. I finally confessed and it took me one hell of a week to even realize what I'd done and how far I'd gone. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning for me. I turn a new page and start over, hoping my feelings disappear. I'll have plenty of work to do and I don't need the distraction. 
It would have been so great for this to work out. I'm sure this is not the end of this story. I have a feeling there is going to be more and not just friendship. I'm grateful to have found such an amazing person who is worth all my words and efforts. I wish I had tried harder but I'm scary when I do so. I did my best, I tried and it's going to take me a long time to get over this but I've got plenty of practice. And this is the brave me that has nothing to do with the me that cried every day for a week and couldn't sleep and eat. I almost went back to the black hole I've been trying to escape for a year and I managed to escape yet again with only some brief reminders.
It ends or it doesn't. I'll focus on my new job and the state exam. That's as far in the future as I'm going to have a plan. I'm not going to act out and start going out with everyone with a pulse because I'm not that type of girl. I'll give myself some time to get over this and hopefully it will sooner rather than later.

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