10 август, 2016

she's looking at you

I keep telling you to stop overthinking it and I can't do the same. I'm scared as hell because I care a little bit too much and I realize that I'm not as dead inside as I hoped to be by this time. In fact I'm quite alive and I even gave up on my plan of going to hell on the express train. I started making some smart decisions and building my life the way I want it to be. In fact, the last couple of days I've been confused and not able to decide and then last night it all came loud and clear. I know what I want. I've always known what I want. And I've never been scared to go and get it. 
I might as well do the same with us and admit that I've already given you all the weapons to destroy me, hoping you don't. I'm not a kid anymore. I don't get to be scared and run from the things I want. Or ruin things just because they might fail. I am old enough to know what I want and strong enough to survive if I don't get it. I'm too much for most people and not enough for some but I'm doing my best at all times for those who deserve it and I don't have time for people who don't do the same.
For the first time in a long time I actually feel like I have something to lose and not something that might happen but something that is happening. 
Well, the world belongs to me, so I might as well give it all I've got and hope for the best as usual.

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