31 декември, 2016

caution tape around my heart

Less than three hours left of the year. I'm still sick and still a bit crazy. But I had a great time at work this week and solved some interesting cases. I even wrote what I want to accomplish in 2017 and I might write down by personal goals though they overlap with my professional ones.
In 2017 I want to be better. I want to pick myself back up, learn to be by myself and on my own without depending on anyone in any way. I want to find myself and what's left of my sanity. Also, I will try to remind my friends and family how much I care about them. I will stop holding on to temporary things and people and turn the world upside down for nothing. I want the world and everything in it and I'm going to make sure I deserve it. 
That said, I am grateful to have had such an amazing year. Yes, things were bad sometimes but there was always someone to pick me off the floor when I couldn't do it myself. I loved a little harder, laughed a little louder as the song goes and I added some amazing memories to my collection and tattoos to my skin. I realized how different I am and I'm yet to find out if it's for the best but it has to be. 
I had to find ways to stop myself from saying too much and doing to much when it comes to you. It's the hardest thing I've done yet. My hell of a week in may was the other dark highlight (the irony) of the year. And what came after. Well, I'm still getting over my last outburst of feelings for someone and I intend to keep the rest for myself. I'm no longer finding excuses to send pictures, check on you or even ask you out. This whole friendship thing works both ways, you know. If you wanted me around you wouldn't have been pushing me away so hard. 
Well, may the odds be ever in our favor! My plans for New Year's Eve were so much different. I hoped it would top the 2011 one but maybe next year. The other night I realized that this year I had my best birthday ever. At the beginning of 2016 I had the world and was on fire. Then somewhere along the way that changed. But it's always the case. I find myself, I lose myself just to find myself again. 

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