25 март, 2017

lilac sky

Weirdly enough all my stuffed animals are in my old room with me. It feels a bit odd to have them here, because they belong to my current room. Well, they needed some washing so there is that. Now they smell fresh and will be travelling back with me in two days. 
In the mean time I did some writing on the book he and the TV show he showed me inspired. I've been able to sense the perfume I'm wearing all day. It's not the same as the one I think of right now but it brings me back to a time when you decided weirdly enough to pick my favorite one and spray it on your black T-shirt. Then we watched a movie and you made me lie close to you or directly on you so that I'd be able to sense my own damn perfume on you. Whenever I smell it, it always brings back the feel of the soft cloth under my fingers warmed up by your skin underneath and the taste of coffee that I got from your lips. You know, I don't remember much of the movie but hiding for the (not so) scary part and having your hands in my hair was one of the most vivid memories I get. And the weird way you made me kiss you by asking me if I'd do everything you do and kissing me. No, it was actually proving that I won't do it. Then you pulled back and kept watching the movie as if nothing happened. Well, it did. So I kissed you back, of course. I can't decide if that's how it all started or if it was when we first met and you threw sugar at me and I noticed the way your eyes gave that spark of fire I told you about. They still do sometimes like in that favorite picture of mine which you refused to upload. 
It feels a bit strange to be remembering stuff that happened half a year ago as vividly as if they happened yesterday and I won't be able to ever forget what sleeping in your arms felt like for that first night and how happy and scared I felt when I got up the next they, told you goodbye and started to get ready for work. I remember smelling the perfume again and remembering it all over again, wondering if it actually happened. I know we talked back then and I knew how scared and uncertain you were. I wish I'd stopped it all back then. But I also remember how I didn't actually start it. You did. An interesting idea comes to my sick and twisted mind at the thought of this. You were the one who kept it going and who also kept saying it's nothing. What if I did the same to you? I wonder if that will keep you up at night thinking of me the way I think of you more often than I'd ever care to admit. You wanted me not to trick you, which means I can easily do that. Otherwise you wouldn't have warned me. And trust me, I'd never do anything to hurt you. But this... Well it could fix us both if you have enough faith. I know I do. 
I'd have already started drinking coffee just to remember what kissing you felt like if only it wouldn't make me crazy. Well, not that I am too sane now. 

Няма коментари: