02 април, 2017

or right after coffee

I thought I need to say it louder and more clear. But I'm saying it with every single thing I do. Even the little inside jokes, the wanting to discuss important things with you, making plans and wanting you to be a part of them. I keep saying it and you just don't listen. 
It does get from better to worse for me in that aspect. I'm just as in as you'll ever be out as the song goes. Meaning, I'm so friend-zoned that the universe is literally laughing at me with this whole thing. 
I survived a week of two jobs, lectures and plenty of responsibility. I even got a new job offer on top of that but I don't think I'll be trying for it. I like things the way they are in that area of my life. Next week will be hell but I'll survive somehow. I always do. 
I feel like either turning to my dark side or making a complete idiot of myself yet again. It will be one or the other because this in between thing and staying friends is seriously kicking my behind and making me not want to get out of bed. What was I thinking really? Things don't just happen because you want them to. Today was proof that well... It's time I got over it already. I can say it thousand times and it won't change a thing. I can be as sweet and awesome as always and it still won't matter. It's the story of my life after all. Why should it change all of a sudden?
I had an awesome day despite the panic lingering in the back of my mind. I made great pictures and was out with a friend who is going through the same thanks to me. I guess I deserve my hell.

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