14 май, 2017

eyes closed

Turns out that living instead of writing is awesome. The last two weeks have been crazy with people and exciting things, lots of pictures, adventures, wine tasting. I can't get enough of everything. I've had plenty of time for friends, old and new, sleepless nights, pizza and a movie here and there. Life is good when you don't really have the time to notice the things that are slowly changing.
I find myself thinking some of the weirdest things lately, having flashbacks of the previous week and wanting some more of it. Reckless has always looked good on me and I might as well enjoy it while I can. I've decided to make this a trial period and not really think about how things will
play out in the future. 
It's weird you know... I barely know you and we've had some moments. I know if I had the chance to spend more time with you I'd like you too much. So I don't. But I'm secretly hoping you want that enough to push things. But like not too much, because now is not the time and I'm too much of a mess for that. Weird doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm like a doll... You press one hand and I say "Love me!" while when you press the other one you hear "Leave me alone!" instead. Contradictions have always been my specialty. 
Of all the times to post pictures ... Why now? I had a bit of a WTF moment a while ago and I'm still getting used to the idea of it. I read this book "Alisa and Friday night" and I liked some of it, mostly the epic quotes hidden among the storied which were not that good. Anyway, I've been thinking that I should start writing again because I've been feeling like a blogger and not a writer for a while now. Not that it's a bad thing but I've already done the writing a book thing. I know how it goes and it's not that hard once you get to it. So I might as well do that instead of having these weird ideas in my head of possibilities. I'm not ready for another place crash and I'm not sure I will ever be again. So, yeah, this whole not caring and being reckless helps. Not sleeping at my place helps too. Being tucked into bed while you're sleeping... It's the little things. I'm making memories basically. And my plans only go as far as the next couple of days. That's as far as I need to be looking for now.  
I'm not saying I don't miss things and people. I do. I'm sometimes dying to text and ask them out. But I don't. It takes two to screw things up. It takes two to keep things going and I'm not making any more efforts. If you want to be in my life, find a way. If not, well nothing I am going to do about it.
Oh and ... I really didn't mean to get you into this as I already said but I kinda need to mention it here as well. I won't be torturing you anymore. I'll do my best to make things better. 

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